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Quotes by Stand up Comedian Demetri Martin
There are so many sentences where when you follow with 'sort of,' it's just not right... 'You're gonna live,' 'I love you,' 'It's a boy!'
Demetri Martin
If I wake up, and I'm naked, I have to check my surroundings. I look to my left, 'Oh she's cute.' I look to my right, 'What's he doing here?'
Demetri Martin
When I wake up in the morning, I have to check my clothing. If I'm in my pyjamas I think 'Okay. This is good. I planned this.'
Demetri Martin
I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude.' 'Dude, these are isotopes.' 'Dude, we removed your kidney. You're gonna be fine.' 'Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize.'
Demetri Martin
Another term for balloon is bad breath holder.
Demetri Martin
One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're not it does just the opposite. It's like "hey, there's an asshole."
Demetri Martin
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